Barbary Coast Ranger

Lately I’ve been thinking I need to make this work for me. I figure that, as long as I carry a camera and a map, I can barge into almost any place in San Francisco and, if anyone gets mad, just some something stupid like “Isn’t this the way to the Ferry Building” and get away with it. There’s a lot of short cuts to take and areas to explore where it seems like a local will get yelled at but a tourist will get a good set of directions and a hearty “Have a nice day!”

One half of a cell phone conversation on the back of the 22 Bus: teen girl talking.
Teen Girl answering phone: I’m on the 22 Bus
pause
TG: Then how’d you get home?
pause
TG: He threw you a BART ticket . . . he THREW you a BART ticket . . .
pause
TG: You have a key? . . […]

Two couples having dinner at Harrys on Fillmore in San Francisco:
Couple #1: Our retirement plan is to win the lottery; what’s yours?
Couple #2: Jump off the [Golden Gate] Bridge.
Couple #1: You win.

From the back of the 41 Bus:
Woman: “. . . and then we’ll go out. We’re normally out till 4 or 5 in the morning . . . ”
Man #1: “That’s pretty late.”
Woman: “Yeah, plus he likes to be in bed by 10, especially when he’s going to be drinking the next morning. […]

Eastern European IT Consultant Girl out with American co-workers for happy hour at in North Beach:
EEITCG (loudly): I love money!
(awkward silence ensues)
EEITCG (still loudly, as if it explains everything): I’m from Eastern Europe!
(awkward silence continues until someone jumps in with a “how about those Mets!” style change of subject)
later on in a separate conversation […]

Tired woman sitting down on a happy hour bar stool: “You know you’re having a bad day when you just found out your lawyer’s been disbarred.”
Suit she’s talking to: “Yeah.”
Tired Woman: ” . . . but I got a good parking spot when I got back from the lawyer’s office.”
Suit: “So it’s a wash.”
Tired Woman: […]

The more you read about the people that San Francisco’s streets are named for, the more you realize the truth of this T Shirt. The downside of wearing a pithy truism on your shirt in Portuguese is, as my bartender said shaking her head, “I’m going to be explaining this all night.”